Sunday, November 23, 2003
this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
i think i may take this thing down. it seems a little pointless you know? i'm fairly sure that no more than 3 people read it anyway. if you care to keep reading my babblings though, let me know. this is actually kind of therapeutic. i just feels good to put what you're thinking somewhere that anyone can read it. i feel super cool when nobody reads it though, so maybe i should just stick with my sketchbook.
Strike a pose. There's nothing to it. VOGUE.
i found these things in an ad in vogue...thought they were interesting.
there was something fantastic in the way she looked at him
she lived as she always had--by her own rules, her wits, and her desires
she had never thought of betrayal, not once
that night she wrote in her diary,"where are all the strong and happy men?"
a bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses
there in the void she heard the call of the silvery moondrop whispers
unable to feign interest any longer she decided that after night fell she would leave forever
she cautioned,"remember to listen to people when they tell you who they are the first time."
there was something fantastic in the way she looked at him
she lived as she always had--by her own rules, her wits, and her desires
she had never thought of betrayal, not once
that night she wrote in her diary,"where are all the strong and happy men?"
a bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses
there in the void she heard the call of the silvery moondrop whispers
unable to feign interest any longer she decided that after night fell she would leave forever
she cautioned,"remember to listen to people when they tell you who they are the first time."
Friday, November 21, 2003
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.
good "morning". i tried to go to bed about an hour ago, but that plan seems to have fallen through. so now i'm just kind of awake and hungry, but what's new? i've got a shitload to get done this weekend...go to a museum, write a paper about it, draw and ugly hallway, start my fashion portfolio project, and finish badly plagiarizing that gorgeous painting that ellen phelan probably poured her soul into. have i mentioned how stupid that project is? we have to recreate a masterwork bit by bit and then do it again in totally different colors. this assignment is stupid because:
1) its not a damn painting class
2) we can't use oil and canvas like the originals; its acrylic and illustration board
3) its a complete waste of ALL the skills we HAVE learned
4) would your english teacher ask you to copy, word for word, a tale of two cities...and then make you do it again and change all the adjectives? i think not.
this should be fun.
i hate saying "i can't wait"...because that's valuable moments of life and youth that will be wasted waiting for something that may or may not actually be better than the current situation, but i really want tomorrow afternoon to come. of course i'll try to use my time between now and then wisely, but i'm sure i'll be distracted by thoughts of the coming evening. david is beautiful and i can't wait to see him again. when was the last time i would have said something like that about a boy? was it gus? surely it was. i don't know if i've just been over-protective of myself or if i havn't found someone else who makes me lose control like this since then. all i know is, i don't ever want any of that to happen again. that was so painful in way too many ways. i still cry when i think about it too much. i'm a completely different person because of that, hopefully better. i'm just ready to let my guard down i think. i can't really even tell at this point. whatever. i should shut up before i talk all night.
advice for this weekend:
-don't get so trashed you wet your bed.
and of course a little tune for the road...
Baby look at me
And tell me what you see
You ain't seen the best of me yet
Give me time I'll make you forget the rest
I got more in me
And you can set it free
I can catch the moon in my hands
Don't you know who I am?
FAME
bon soir mes amis.
1) its not a damn painting class
2) we can't use oil and canvas like the originals; its acrylic and illustration board
3) its a complete waste of ALL the skills we HAVE learned
4) would your english teacher ask you to copy, word for word, a tale of two cities...and then make you do it again and change all the adjectives? i think not.
this should be fun.
i hate saying "i can't wait"...because that's valuable moments of life and youth that will be wasted waiting for something that may or may not actually be better than the current situation, but i really want tomorrow afternoon to come. of course i'll try to use my time between now and then wisely, but i'm sure i'll be distracted by thoughts of the coming evening. david is beautiful and i can't wait to see him again. when was the last time i would have said something like that about a boy? was it gus? surely it was. i don't know if i've just been over-protective of myself or if i havn't found someone else who makes me lose control like this since then. all i know is, i don't ever want any of that to happen again. that was so painful in way too many ways. i still cry when i think about it too much. i'm a completely different person because of that, hopefully better. i'm just ready to let my guard down i think. i can't really even tell at this point. whatever. i should shut up before i talk all night.
advice for this weekend:
-don't get so trashed you wet your bed.
and of course a little tune for the road...
Baby look at me
And tell me what you see
You ain't seen the best of me yet
Give me time I'll make you forget the rest
I got more in me
And you can set it free
I can catch the moon in my hands
Don't you know who I am?
FAME
bon soir mes amis.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
is this really me?
the following statements were all said to me, and are all about me. are they right? i thought i'd try and make sense of it all.
"you're the curious type"
its true. i am. remember when ~j the email stalker came into my life? did i or did i not try every day for the majority of my senior year to figure out who that guy was?
"you always get your way"
not ALWAYS....
"you're a lot more frail than you like people to think"
i guess so. i mean, who WANTS to looks as weak as they really are? am i frail? am i afraid of getting hurt? maybe both and probably more, but i do know that i've gotten myself into enough trouble to learn my lesson about you dirty scummy boys. my trust is much less easy to come by.
"you want so badly to be significant"
doesn't everybody want to be significant? according to whats her face from american beauty, there's nothing worse than being ordinary. ordinary is something i would never settle for and i don't plan to. don't plan on finding me in a cubicle wearing a frumpy skirt and swimming in a pile of paper work.
"you want to leave an indelible mark on this place before you leave it"
i would hate to leave the world without making a difference in the lives of everyone i know. i try to, a lot harder than you might guess. i try to make you laugh or cry or think. i want you to question what you think is or is not and come out with a different answer or at least a hightened sense of yoruself on the other side. test your limits. defy your boundaries. never settle for what is okay or what someone else tells you is right. decide for yourself. be brave and think...for me.
"being vulnerable makes you nervous because your softer core is exposed"
no shit. my softer core is very soft and that wall i kept around myself for so long was so hard, but i feel like since the end of the summer it has slowly started to come down. i don't know if the number of people i trust has increased or if i'm just tired of being that numb. that's got to be it. i want to feel all those warm wonderful feeling that i thought i knew once. i havn't felt them since. i've been too afraid of what might happen.
"you don't want to be out of control"
in what sense? of a an emotional situation i'm in? surely most of you want to be in control of your emotions. there was a point when my emotions got so incredibly out of control that i finally decided to take a hitler hold on them. for the longest time i didn't cry, but i also didn't feel quite how wonderful everything could be.
"you have a control thing"
indeed i do. i don't think i could handle someone else being in control of me. i'm very much emotionally independent. i don't rely on someone else to be happy. as for the other end of the control thing...i'm controlling because i know people will let me be and because i think i'm always right. would someone please tell me when i'm not. even if i throw a fit, i'll probably be happy you did.
"you need to know that you can trust the person you're making yourself vulnerable to or that
you can trust yourself with them"
good call. i hate being around people i don't trust. also, i tend to do whatever i want to, not necessarily without thinking, but i don't really care if something bad happens. it seems to be working alright for the most part but it gets me in trouble sometimes. so sometimes i don't trust myself to resist temptation. in most cases though, why should i? why should i miss out on something i want to experience?
"you're better than that"
thank you, but i disagree.
that's what i think...and while that's really all that should matter to me, i'd still like to hear answers from other people because i love you all and i do actually value some of your opinions. have a lovely day.
She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but X thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted but I'm ready.
If you wanna move it so,
why don't you make it go.
Prove to everybody who doesn't understand.
All the nights, all the fights. You are out of sight.
Some say more with their hand. I'm running as fast as I can.
-Ben Kweller, Wasted and Ready
"you're the curious type"
its true. i am. remember when ~j the email stalker came into my life? did i or did i not try every day for the majority of my senior year to figure out who that guy was?
"you always get your way"
not ALWAYS....
"you're a lot more frail than you like people to think"
i guess so. i mean, who WANTS to looks as weak as they really are? am i frail? am i afraid of getting hurt? maybe both and probably more, but i do know that i've gotten myself into enough trouble to learn my lesson about you dirty scummy boys. my trust is much less easy to come by.
"you want so badly to be significant"
doesn't everybody want to be significant? according to whats her face from american beauty, there's nothing worse than being ordinary. ordinary is something i would never settle for and i don't plan to. don't plan on finding me in a cubicle wearing a frumpy skirt and swimming in a pile of paper work.
"you want to leave an indelible mark on this place before you leave it"
i would hate to leave the world without making a difference in the lives of everyone i know. i try to, a lot harder than you might guess. i try to make you laugh or cry or think. i want you to question what you think is or is not and come out with a different answer or at least a hightened sense of yoruself on the other side. test your limits. defy your boundaries. never settle for what is okay or what someone else tells you is right. decide for yourself. be brave and think...for me.
"being vulnerable makes you nervous because your softer core is exposed"
no shit. my softer core is very soft and that wall i kept around myself for so long was so hard, but i feel like since the end of the summer it has slowly started to come down. i don't know if the number of people i trust has increased or if i'm just tired of being that numb. that's got to be it. i want to feel all those warm wonderful feeling that i thought i knew once. i havn't felt them since. i've been too afraid of what might happen.
"you don't want to be out of control"
in what sense? of a an emotional situation i'm in? surely most of you want to be in control of your emotions. there was a point when my emotions got so incredibly out of control that i finally decided to take a hitler hold on them. for the longest time i didn't cry, but i also didn't feel quite how wonderful everything could be.
"you have a control thing"
indeed i do. i don't think i could handle someone else being in control of me. i'm very much emotionally independent. i don't rely on someone else to be happy. as for the other end of the control thing...i'm controlling because i know people will let me be and because i think i'm always right. would someone please tell me when i'm not. even if i throw a fit, i'll probably be happy you did.
"you need to know that you can trust the person you're making yourself vulnerable to or that
you can trust yourself with them"
good call. i hate being around people i don't trust. also, i tend to do whatever i want to, not necessarily without thinking, but i don't really care if something bad happens. it seems to be working alright for the most part but it gets me in trouble sometimes. so sometimes i don't trust myself to resist temptation. in most cases though, why should i? why should i miss out on something i want to experience?
"you're better than that"
thank you, but i disagree.
that's what i think...and while that's really all that should matter to me, i'd still like to hear answers from other people because i love you all and i do actually value some of your opinions. have a lovely day.
She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but X thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted but I'm ready.
If you wanna move it so,
why don't you make it go.
Prove to everybody who doesn't understand.
All the nights, all the fights. You are out of sight.
Some say more with their hand. I'm running as fast as I can.
-Ben Kweller, Wasted and Ready
Monday, November 17, 2003
aaand we're back from that long time, no write thing. i finally fixed that horribly evil virus that's plaguing profiles everywhere. by the way, if you need to know how to get rid of let me know. so i finally had an eventful weekend. its about time, right? i didn't have to go to my later class friday because we had a test over the weekend so after fashion design me and emily met up with david. for those of you who havn't been informed, david is a friend of emily's from when she lived around here and i discovered him last week when she was talking to him and reading his live journal. so i started talking to him and he was really cool and TOO cute so we decided to meet up friday. he took us out to lunch and after that i went back to dallas with him. i FINALLY saw american beauty while i was over there, but that's a whole other entry to write. wow. anyway, i stayed the night due to my unsurpassed laziness and the fact that david was just way too cute to leave. we were good though, i swear on my pink coat. i slept most of the day saturday when i got back to my room. i was relatively unproductive most of the time, so i thought shopping might make me feel better. probably not the best idea, but oh well. it was fun to go spend some money. after i got back kristen wanted to go drink at boner's and i agreed to go only because she didn't want to go alone. it was sufficiently lame, but whatever. it definitely could have been worse. so i watched some tv and danced around my room all tipsy while i watched my spring show video. i wish someone would have been here to see it. i bet it was entertaining. as for sunday, i can't really remember what i did until about 4:30. i went to david's again and that was fun...again. he fed some guy's dog all these crumbs at starbucks and then the dog wouldn't go away. it was cute though so yeah. i managed to lose track of time until 11 pm and then managed to ignore the time until 12:30. i did eventually leave around 1 though. so that was my weekend. i highly doubt my week will be interesting. oh well. i guess i should quit my oh so practiced procrastination and write that forgery paper for mama gypsy's class. lata playas.
remember...smile, teresa loves you.
remember...smile, teresa loves you.
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
rockin'...I just found a place to take dance classes! Maybe I can actually ditch this pudge, then madre will owe me a pair of jeans. Its in Dallas, but hey, its worth a 30 minute drive to be that much happier right? So yeah...I've been keeping busy with the projects and the working out and whatnot. Its not really looking like things are going to slow down either, but that's probably good for me. Yesterday was pretty exciting because I got all registered for next semester and I BOUGHT FINDING NEMO! That was the major highlight of my day I think. I sported the Dory shirt and busted out the stuffed Dory for the occasion. I would have brought the washcloth, but it was wet. Oh well. I'm already getting way excited about Thanksgiving. Hooray for real food! Maybe by then Sean and Marissa will finally know if its a boy or girl. Can you believe I'm going to be an aunt in a few months? Weird.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Wow. This weekend was CRAZY! Thursday night Boner calls and he's all like "Hey...we all want to leave tonight..." So after a little pushing, I gave in and we left at about 10. So we arrived in San Marcos around 2ish and met up with Brittany and Co. I ended up crashing at the Jones/Brown apartment at about 5...geez. The next day, I was still playing seamstress for Mr. Elkins, but it was a good time. Then the real fun began. We all got ready at Brittany's and Jaime's and boy did we look like a bunch of trash. It was great. So the party was super packed and way hot, but it was a blast. There was lots of drinking, dancing, kissing, falling, dirty socks, and some other things that I'm sure I left out. Oh yeah, like me and Jaime's trip to the "bathroom". I wonder if all those people on the roof saw us running and yelling while we looked like disoriented drunk hookers. Did I mention that I accidentally forgot my boyfriend? There was a Brittany and a Drew, a Jaime and a Brandon, a Jordan and a Jordan, and a Teresa...uhh. It was super sad. I still had more fun than I could handle though. For some reason I'm forgetting what happenned after that, but oh well. Saturday was just kind of like whatever but it was fun especially...actually we were laughing the whole day so it was all fun. Then today I got to finally sit down and talk to my girl Kayla and that was fun. So yeah, my weekend was a success! I hope everyone had as much fun as I did...I know Stacey did...
